Guerrito part 5

It seems that so much of this would be easier, If I could just speak. But here I find myself taking one of those drives, where I wonder aimlessly trying to come up with some intelligent solution. Red and I had made up, and it really seemed that he wasn't pissed at me anymore. It seemed to me that he was much more ok with him and me being together than I was. And there was a lot that I had to tell him. I decided to go for broke and just do what I needed to do.

Honestly, it was my mother that pushed me to it. It was as simple as this. I was at my mom's house and I was just chillin and she said that I looked pretty happy, so I must have met someone.

"Ya, maybe. So what if I did?"

"That's good. I hope this works out for you. I know what a mess it was with Amber."

She is the mother of my baby, and that was a total mess.

"But I hope you’re real honest with who ever you've found. Your kid shouldn't be a secret." I guess she could tell by the look on my face. "You haven't told her? You really should, it's only fair to be honest to people who are getting involved with your life."

"Ya, I know mom. Honesty just doesn't always seem to pay off that's all."

"Look, if you really trust someone you'll tell them the truth. People can't love you if they don't know who you are. And if they do love you, then any surprises should be ok. If it's too much to take, then they really don't love you or know you. It will be fine. Now eat your food, and keep smiling. I like to see you happy, it doesn't happen very often."

Who am I to argue with that? Beating people up and bluffin the cops are no problem for me. But this is going to be more than I want to do. But it's all good. I'll just drive my ass home and see what happens. ******

It does seem that I always leave things on such a negative note. This emotional shit scares me. But I guess my mother was right, it really was all worth it. I drove home, and Red was there right were I had left him. He was being all cute doing his homework on the couch. No drama, things were just as they should be. I spent more than a moment in the doorway as I walked in just looking.

"Yo, what's up?"

"Nothin, just lookin."

"At what?"

"At you, it just seems, I guess it just seems right."

"Me sittin on the couch seems right? I guess the universe really is a simple place."

"I wish it was."

I closed the door and dumped my coat on the floor, knocked off my shoes and socks and sat on the couch. As I did, he slid so his legs were lying across my lap as he continued to read his book. I put my hand on his leg and just watched him. Of course, I couldn't behave. Soon I was creeping my hand up his legs and watched him twitch.

"You know I won't get much work done this way."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"That's now what I said."

"I know" I couldn't help but smile. It didn't take long before my creeping hands turned into me crawling up his body in between his legs.

"I think I could get used to this." He said. I stopped at that, we really never had even talked about what any of this was. But my pause freaked him, "I'm sorry I..."

"No, don't be sorry." I kissed him "I want you to get used to this. I mean it. I want to keep you if you'll let me." He kissed me back.

"Ya, I'll let you. I want to hang onto you more than you know."

I kissed him again, and wrapped my arms around the back of his body and held him close to me. And for the second time we did more than just have sex, it really meant something. We slowly stripped each other in the midst of kisses. He maneuvered himself so he could get his pants off, and then pulled mine off by pushing me into the back of the couch. Then he kissed me from the top of my shaved head down to the elastic of my boxers. Then he pulled them off too. He continued to kiss me, from the base of my cock to its head and then each of my balls. All I could do was moan.

After a bit of messing around like that, he got up and threw his legs on either side of me and grabbed the head of my dick and pointed it at his waiting hole.

"Whoa, wait a sec, I ain't got anything on" I whispered. All the other times we had used a condom.

"Shh, don't worry about it. I trust you." He said.

"Don't trust me too much; I'll only fuck it up." I got up and went to the bathroom for a condom. As soon as I come back into the living room he took the condom from me, put it in his mouth (to hold it) and then pushed me back onto the couch.

"Now, where were we?" He said as he ripped open the condom. "Oh yes, I remember." With that he rolled the condom over me with one hand, and took the tube of KY that I had in my hand and opened it up, and placed a dab on his hole and a dab on my dick.

"I think it would have hurt without this, you a little big for me" he said as he smiled.

"I ain't that big"

"Big enough"

With that he took hold of my dick and slid himself onto me. Once I was in, he put his hands on my chest and I leaned in and kissed him. With my hands on his waist and his on my shoulders, with our lips locked, we fucked long and slow. It felt sweet, and gentle. At least for a while. Then he started moaning pretty loud.

"Oh damn, oh damn, oh damn. I'm gonna, gonna, oh damn"

"Vato, demelo" And he came all over us. It surprised me, cuz I hadn't touched his dick, and neither had he. I thought that only happened in stories! It didn't take long before I came too.

After a quick shower, we ended up in the bed, just holding onto each other. For once I wasn't listening to rap. Instead that "puremoods" CD was playing. I don't listen to that kinda sissy shit often, but sometimes it's cool just to have something quiet in the background. We just laid there in the silence for a while. Finally I spoke.

"Uh, Jesse?"

"Ya, what's wrong? You never call me that."

"I just wanna, talk. You know. I mean there's a lot of shit that we don't know about each other."

"Sure, what do you want to know?"

"That's a good place to start. Have you done this before?"

"You mean sex?"

"Well, ya and more. Ya know?"

"Ya. I'm 18, so like I know what I want, and have for a while. I really like guys. Girls are nice people, but that's it. I dated a few, but I really didn't mean it. I never did anything with any guys before, I was always too afraid. I got drunk once at a party and ended up kissing on of the basketball players at my High School. I think he wanted to do more, but that just freaked me."

"Ya?"

"Oh ya, I would have loved to fuck him good and hard. I figured I wouldn't get a chance like that again. But actually I did, he hit on me at another party and I chickened out there too. I didn't tell people and he wasn't out either so it was just this big secret. In fact I think he figured I was straight, cuz he gave up on me. But there's no doubt, I'm gay."

"Damn, so like when did you know?"

"I'm not sure, I guess like 8 or 9 I knew I liked boys, maybe even earlier. So what about you? If were gonna have some sort of after school special, bonding moment thing." That was hard for me to answer, I just licked my lips. "Come on, I told you."

"All right, it's just weird. I don't know how to say it."

"Just be honest." He gave me a reassuring touch. Damn it, I hated honest, lies are easier. But fuck, you only live once.

"I think I've heard that before somewhere. Ok, so I ain't gay. I mean, that's weird, but it is what it is. I never really liked guys that much. But once I was drunk and one of the little vatos gave me head. I didn't do it often, but every now and then I would get off with some guy. But that's all it was, and I never did anything back for a long time. I once got stoned with my friend’s brother and that was the first time I kissed a guy, and I sucked him too. But I've never been fucked. That just seems a too much to me. He was the only guy, before you, that I actually did more then just dump my jizz into."

"Wow, so like you've been with girls for real."

"Um, ya. Well, Jesse, I ...” I took a deep breath. Here it goes, make or break moment.

"There you go sayin 'Jesse' again."

"Red, I got a kid." I felt him pull away. In that instant I thought maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut. Red sat up in the bed.

"Are you shittin me? You gotta kid?"

"Ya"

"That's cool, I mean. Damn I'm all shocked and shit but damn. Boy or girl?"

"A little boy, about 6. I had him when I was 17."

"Wow. What happened?" I was tempted to answer that if he hadn't figured out where babies come from maybe he and I really needed to talk!

"Well, I met a girl that I really liked, and then loved, and I got her pregnant. She later decided that I was the biggest asshole she had met. She told me I was dangerous and bad for her and the baby. Later she got over and I take the kid off and on for weeks at a time. I've just been keepin Julio with his mom while you've been around cuz. Well, I've just been flat out hiding him from you."

"So your kid is usually here?"

"Off and on, he's back and forth between me and his mom all the time. I always with friends...”

"Ya, I've seen that, but nobody mentioned him."

"You've mostly seen the boyz at parties, so Julio wouldn't normally be there anyway. The other thing is I'm always around my mom too. Fuck, I'm Mexican. Family is everything. I mean. I want you to know, cuz I want you to be around and be a part of this. You and me, you know. It scares me like all fuck. I don't know what's up. I don't normal like people, yet alone. And with you, I mean with a guy. It just kinda happened but we were friends at first and I felt, I feel. Fuck. I don't want to fuck this up, you know, but I really think that I like you a lot more than I should and I don't want to let you go. So I want to put everything out in the open now, so if you want to leave you can. I want you to know what you’re getting."

"I guess I underestimated you. I didn't think you felt what I felt. I kinda was feeling stupid cuz I really am falling in love with you, and I didn't want to be you little pet white boy that you take out to fuck. I want to trust you. Some shit about your life scares me, like the guns and the fights, and your mother."

"My mother?" I laughed

"Ya, you tell me you want me to be a part of all of your life, and you mention your mother. That scares me."

"It should, she is more evil than I am."

"But, look. I trust you. I feel safe with you."

"I...damn. What do I say to that? I feel safe too. And that doesn't come easy."

"It doesn't come easy for me either. Look, since you opened this up. Can I ask you some other questions?"

"Sure."

"Have you ever killed anybody?" he asked sheepishly

"Why. What kinda fucked up question is that? Never mind, that's not the point. Look, I don't know. It’s possible, but never on purpose. I'm not a good person, I'm just me."

"That's a lot of crap." He got up and went to the other side of the room. “I don't want you to end up dead."

"It's not part of the plan. But you have to understand I don't work at McDonalds or anything like that. Fuck, we're in the pinche barrio ya know? So there's shit going on all the fucking time. It's not safe. But I'm not stupid. And I won't let anything happen to you."

"I know."

"So you still want to be here?"

"You know I do. I love you, I couldn't leave. The more I know you the more I love you." After a long pause he asked "Ok, just one more, what is up with you and gay clubs?"

"Oh, well, I've known some lesbians who suggested that I could make a killing. It's all about business. I guess it all worked in my favor. I've made a killing and I got to dance with you."

So there it was. My mother was right, and it all turned out ok. We slept easily that night, in one another's arms. I just felt safe.

******

Confessions are all nice and such, but the moment of truth was upon us. Julio was coming to spend the week with me. Red had pretty much moved in too. He kept a lot of his shit at his dorm room, and sometimes spent the night over there. But more often than not, he stayed with me. He goes back and forth on the bus, or I took him. He usually stayed the night on campus only when he had an early morning class. To keep things going I just answered my pager to sell, instead of hangin in any clubs or parties. The boys weren't surprised. They knew that when Julio comes around my life gets put into a different gear. I suppose I should have been really worried, but after talking with Red the night before, I really wasn't.

If you've never had any real time, just you and a six year old kid, let me say it is an experience. Julio is such a beautiful child. He was brought with his usual pile of toys and cloths. He and I talked about what he was doing at school (he's in kindergarten) and we did a little bit of homework (mostly making some art based on the letter of the week at school). In fact things felt just like normal.

Red came on in, and Julio then grabbed a hold of him as soon as he walked in.

"Hey, who are you? I'm Julio. I'm six. How old are you. I'm staying here cuz I live here sometimes. Where do you live? I'm in school, do you go to school. I like school."

"Hey kiddo, calm down. Take a breath. This is Jesse. I told you about him."

Red took it all in stride. "Ok, let’s see. I'm in school and I'm 18, and I live over at the school."

"Oh" Julio said rather sadly.

"How cum you got all sad?"

"Well papi said that you were going to stay here with us."

"Well" Red said, a bit surprised "I do sometimes." Then he mouthed to me, smiling "papi?" I just flipped him off.

Julio, oblivious to it all said, "That's cool. It will be fun and we can watch movies and eat, huh papi. What are you going to make to eat?"

Ya, it all seemed it was going to be fine. And it was. Eventually Julio went back to stay with his mother. Red and I continued to be together and he eventually met my mother. It was an uneventful meeting. After all he was introduced as just one of the boys. And of course, we continued to have sex.

But we are all "products of our environments" and so I continued to fuck Red, and he never fucked me. I don't know, I guess I still had it in my head that it was that that separated men from fags. I had never given my ass up to anyone. Red never pushed it. But it finally occurred to me that this was something I could do with him. Besides, I've been knifed a couple of times, and had the shit beat out of me, so how could this possibly hurt worse?

It was just a regular evening; I had met with all sorts of people hustling my little drug business. I came back to the house and he was sittin down working on some sort of reading for one of his classes. I had been toying with the idea of letting him finally fuck me for a while. So I played with the idea as I got into the bathroom. Instead of taking a shower like I almost always do, I filled the tub with hot water for a bath. I slid myself in. The hot water felt good on my muscles, my whole body began to relax.

When I got out of the tub, I dried off and rolled a le–o. Red looked up.

"Hey, want a break from all your readin?"

"Fuck ya, my brain hurts. I don't think I could do anymore readin anyway."

"Here, take a hit" I said as I passed him the joint.

I adjusted my basketball shorts, which was all I was wearing, as I sat down on the recliner.

"Hey, come here." I motioned to my lap. Red came and sat down on my lap and we continued to smoke. After a while we were stoned as all fuck.

"Hey Red."

"Ya?"

"Wanna do me a little favor?"

"Sure"

"Man, gimmie a back rub, my back is all sore."

"I'te. Go lay down on the bed."

I was still debating if I really wanted to do this. I took of my shorts and Red began to put his weight into it as he pressed down on my back. He worked his way down nice and slow. Red had not only never fucked me, but he had never eaten my ass either. In fact I think the most he ever touched my ass was to grab a hold of it as I fucked him. Red started back up at the top, on my shoulders, but instead of rubbing my back he gave me kisses and began to lick me. He worked his was down to the small of my back. I lifted my ass a little and he went for it.

Red put his arm under me and held me ass up as he licked up and down the crack of my ass and then tongued my hole. It was a crazy sensation. I'd never let anyone do that before, but I really liked doing it to Red. Damn, for getting myself in with a virgin, he sure picked up the motions quick enough. I moaned. He got up and pulled his cloths off very quickly. Then he laid down next to me and put his hand on my ass.

"Is this ok?"

"Ya"

"Are you sure"

"Ya"

With that he reached over to the night stand for the KY. Oh ya, it was always there in supply. We were always prepared. He slid one finger in. It didn't hurt, but it didn't feel real comfortable there either. You know, I always loved all those porn stories. Someone is taking it for the first time and in two thrust the guy gets it in. The other guy says it hurts only for a moment and then he takes it like a pro. Ya, what ever. But I was very gentle with Red when I took his cherry. And I was always gentle, so he knew how to do it.

As he pushed in two fingers, he kissed me. After a long while he got three in with me fairly relaxed (they were all pushed together so it was still smaller than his dick). Then he finally decided that I was ready. I heard him reach to the night stand and get a condom. Then he positioned his dick in the right spot and put his arms around me. He held on to me and kissed me as he pushed in. I took deep breath trying to relax.

"Fuck!!"

"You ok?"

"Ya, it's all good it just hurts."

"Yo, it’s in part way, so just relax. Don't rush. You didn't hurt me so I ain't gonna hurt you."

So we relaxed. He had the head of his dick in, but didn't push. He continued to stroke my chest and kiss me. He rubbed my dick and bit down on my shoulder. Then he began to push in very slowly. I mean very slowly. It didn't hurt very much, but it took us about a half an hour to get it in.

But fuck, once it was in, it was in! He began to fuck me real slow as he continued to kiss me and rub my dick. It was the craziest feeling to be filled up by him. Having the tables turned on me like this was different, but it was ok. I don't know what everyone talks about, as it really didn't feel good. But what did feel good was the sensation that I was letting him in, and it was something that I had never given to anyone else.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum. Damn"

He held onto me as he came in my ass. He continued to jack me off and I came quickly after. We took a quick shower afterwards. And when we went to sleep that night, I held him in my arms as I always do. And I didn't worry, and I didn't get worked up about shit I can't control, I just slept.